Exploring Entanglements: What Does it Mean to Be a Sexual Citizen?
Our peer educators hosts discuss the transition to college drawing on their own experiences to understand vulnerability and sexual projects.
Transcript
Hi. Today we're gonna be talking about
sexual citizenship education in America.
And we're going to
be empowering and elevating
the voices around and sex
to reclaim sexual citizenship.
So the definition of sexual citizenship is,
to denote,
say, the acknowledgement of
one's own right to sexual determination,
and importantly
recognize the equivalent right in others.
Finding sexual citizenship and
yourself and also import or recognizing
it and others is really just
about finding your own like
right to your own body and kind of going
with that and figuring out
what you like and what you don't like.
And that I think
the most important part is that you have
the right to do that and you
have a say in what happens.
And that you have
the empowerment to be able to talk about
these things with others
and not feel shameful or not
feel that you're doing
too much or something like that.
It's just really about
being in control of your own body.
And what happens to the,
And going off of what Dana said,
I think it's very important when
we're talking about sexual citizenship.
So remember something that we all have.
You know, it's not something that we're
specifically given at birth and
something that's culturally
and socially constructed.
So we all have this right to
reclaim our cells in our body and
our desires and what we really want to
gain out of sex in general.
So I think just
putting an emphasis on with Dana said it's
really just more about being
able to have a right to your own body
and to be able to really talk about
sex without it feeling like a taboo,
which is something that
you might get into later.
Data in social really did a great job
defining what sexual assertions that means.
Um, and I just want to also
re-emphasize what they both
said about really owning your body,
it and it's thinking that claim
in really, you know,
respecting your body and,
and, and respecting people's preferences.
And ultimately just, you know,
knowing that there's
so many different reasons
why people have sex and it's
accessible to fluid thing that, you know,
if it's something that
like real world impairment,
anything, if that makes sense,
that you should have
a right to your own body.
You know, really respect
other people's sexual preferences and just
recognize that other people
also have this right to their bodies and,
and have a right to
sexual citizenship in general.
It's kind of like one of those terms that,
that is kind of hard to explain.
But once you start to
get the understanding of,
of the respect for nature of it
and the right to your body.
Ultimately. Like click.
Like me personally with
sexual citizenship and I
feel like with sexual said,
it's really fostered
institutionally and culturally.
Me personally, as a woman who
identifies as Latin X,
I identify as a Latina.
There's kind of like this, huge serifs like
OR AS being very promiscuous.
Boom, very sexual beings.
Being very, you know,
like hot and spicy
when really like, you know,
this being such a large stereotype is
a largely boss because we're
individuals like another community.
But also like like
from my personal experience,
it's faster and culturally like even amongst,
like you're gonna, amongst
some members of the last next community,
they may consider themselves to
be like sexual beings.
But also like, it's
not engrained to a point where like
these conversations about
sex I've fostered within
families like this, like this.
There's hype about the Latin community
being very light prevents us
and very sexual and everything like that
is something that is even,
you know, talked about
within the Latinized community.
But it's not something
that is entirely engrained.
Because if we were all sexual beings and
we were all embracing of that fact,
then we would be able to have
these conversations about sex and we would be
able to be fully educated when it comes to
sexual intercourse and other things
that kind of encompass those realms.
And ultimately it just boils down to like
the sex education in America
and in another countries.
And ultimately, you know,
sex is such a taboo thing that like it does.
For some reason people think that
it's taboo and it's rude.
And they don't talk to
their children about it
is not entirely fostered
in the classroom and is not well be
Barnard generally well educated
when it comes to sex education,
even though there has been a slight
ever in and increasing the,
I'm sorry, in decreasing the age in
which we talk to children about sex.
Because now I believe that it's sixth grade
that students receive actual
like quote unquote sex education.
But really there's, there's
so many flaws within the,
the education curriculum when
it comes to sex education.
And ultimately, it just boils down to,
you know, sex being labeled
as taboo when rude.
And and it means something that is so
like like 2xh and talk
about like that is so like
how would I describe this?
It's high. I can say like,
I feel like just through growing up.
Like with your family,
NOT even before you've got
to have a class
or any sort of talk in
school about sex education is it's just like,
I don't know when I was a kid
and if there was any sort of
sex scene or like
anyone choosing my parents would be like,
oh, don't one of our likenesses.
I mean, I guess if you're cared.
Kinda, but it's kind of
like a behind closed doors type
of situation. I thought an exam.
It's highly treated like that
and a lot of different ways.
For me, I think the whole way,
you know, sigma being,
of sex being taboo started for me even
when I first had
the period talk in fifth grade.
When they show you videos of
your body teen GI, bleeding,
they make it sound like this horrible thing
that you're going to start to feel things.
And I think that's
really where like, you know,
when people say like this taboos
really institutionalize,
I think that's where it started
for me because they meet.
Period, sound
like the worst thing in the world.
And like you were becoming this,
you know, grown women.
And I don't know,
like, I just like that onto,
adds onto the whole like sex that
an American thing might
be in a sex that class in high school.
It was kind of a joke
because they didn't really
teach you anything that
you didn't already know.
Like, you know, basically
like what Dana said,
the push was that
we're not having sex because I like
abstinence and set a
more-so supporting us and
knowing that sex is
a natural thing that we're going to
have as humans of everyone.
And so rather than give
the necessary resources that we need
to know what's safe sex looks like.
And not even just safe sex with
talking about what's again from sex.
And I think that's really what
this book focuses on
a lot is which you can gain from sex.
And so that was never
a conversation that took place in Sex.
Ed. You know, it was always
about don't give Redman Duncan city.
And so I think that's what really like scares
people as like just
getting pregnant in general.
But I think that the focus
has been the same for
years and years and years.
And I think that we
need to start shifting that focus.
And actually instead of having
teachers are like and when
teachers trying to teach sex ed,
they should really have professionals
that really teach you sex ed,
that it's something that they
specialize in because it's not
something that you can just throw
some facts together and teach somebody.
You actually have to going deeper than that.
And you know, one of
the things that we're going to talk about
is really the exclusion of
certain groups when it comes to sex ad.
And I think that's also
something that's really institutionalize.
We always have this conversation
about what is it called heterosexual.
We always have this conversation
about heterosexual couples,
but we never really dig
into the LGBTQ community.
You guys know, it was never
something that was talked about
during sex and at least
from my experience yeah,
there with you dogma. That's what it is.
That's the word that we were looking for.
It when it comes to sex.
And it's like at least most people
in their lifetime have sex.
And it's something that you know,
is the safer will not necessary like for
traditional procreation is something
that's necessary and it's something that,
you know, people have been doing since
the beginning of, of existence.
And it's so weird that something that is so
crucial to, to like reproduction.
Traditional reproduction is something
that's soul to soul taboo
and like stigmatized to talk about.
I was just going to say
that in my classes and
I want to say middle school and high school
both really focus around anatomy.
And like Wyatt, puberty,
I guess looks like and how your body changes.
Specifically for just like males and females.
And then all of the girls went
to one classroom and all
of the boys one to another classroom.
And we all learned about respectively,
I suppose our body is in
a kind of isolated way and.
I feel like that was
honestly most of the extent of it.
And I feel like that is
a really harmful way to
teach people about like sex and sexuality.
Because then I mean, honestly,
I think it's important
to learn about like everybody's body is.
If you're going to be teaching on
anatomy and things like that.
But then it was just like a very like
gender binary approach to it.
And we really only learned about anatomy.
And luckily, my school did teach a little bit
about having a safe relationships.
And I talked a little bit about
relationship violins and light,
other things like that.
So I feel a little luckier than
some people because I feel like that
was a little extra bit that we got,
but we never ever talked about like
LGBTQ community is and like
what tags might look like for them
and how those folks can be safe.
And so like enjoy
themselves, things like that.
And it was really just how to put on
a condom and the anatomy of your own body.
And I feel like that is just like
a really limiting approach
to learning about sex and sexuality.
And it makes me like frustrated
because as a young person I was
only learning about heterosexual sex and
not completely cut out
a whole portion of something.
Now, I suppose what's available to me,
I guess I would say that makes sense.
And it was really,
I want to say like erasing the experience of
so many people who I was in class
with and like even myself.
Like I just didn't see
the representation of any sort of
LGBT person
and these spaces and these conversation.
So I feel like that was really
a disservice to the students to
not even touch on that possibility.
Oh, 100% that responded that
Sasha mentioned that I
actually had a gym teacher,
my gym teacher in, I believe,
six or seven grade, who told me.
And it was the most awkward thing he had.
He had like a great intro
into talking about sex.
But ultimately, you know, like,
like Dana said, it was all heteronormative.
Like it was all just x
between like a woman who identifies
as a woman and a man who identifies as
a man and naturally born and having,
you know, like female and male anatomy
and India have like my sex education as
a child did not include
any type of variation from like,
you know, heterosexual sex.
And it was very straightforward.
Like he focused more
on talking about like anatomy and,
and more condoms rather
than like emphasizing the fact that like,
you know, we're heading, most people
lose their virginity is
before they turned 18.
So while 70, that is illegal.
He did not focus on the fact that like, hey,
you guys are entering
a point in your life where
you're gonna be developing,
you're going to have sexual urges.
And he kind of talked about
it like it was like a foreign thing.
Like it was something that, you know.
We weren't going to experience
and life and it was very odd.
And we didn't get the traditional like,
hey, this is how you put on
a condom or this is a condom.
And it was just very like foreign link.
It was just kinda like she was
afraid to talk about it a little bit,
like talk about sex.
And I feel like if we would take
a more inclusive approach to all people,
and if we would take an approach
that kind of encourages
safe sex rather than abstinence.
There would there would be
so many less leg problems.
Like if he would just tear someone like,
hey, you know what sex is a normal thing.
Sex is something that most people do,
you know it throughout
their lifespan and this
is how you're safe with it.
If you want to choose to have
sex with safety,
if you want to choose not to have
sex, that's okay too.
I feel like if we were,
if like the nation
and just a word in general,
or to take inclusive approach words
or take and understanding approach and
not make any judgments over
anyone that we would have.
We would honestly, I feel
like our STD testing,
I mean, like the number
of STDs would go down.
We would see a decrease in teen pregnancy.
Not that anything is wrong with Amber.
A decrease in unwanted pregnancies.
And ultimately, I feel like it would it would
help members of the LGBTQ
Plus community feel more inclusive.
Because generally like you're
thinking about it as,
you know, someone who was an advocate
of the LGBTQ community.
If we go into
a sex education class and you already know,
you know, hey, you know,
I'm a woman who likes women or
I'm a male who likes meals or I'm
a person who loves all people like going into
less education class and not seeing
yourself represented
will make you feel suppressed.
I know because when I walk
into history courses where when I walk into
something like wrote History and I
see that I am not represented,
or I walk into
a sex education class as
a woman who identifies as
bisexual like and not being well represented,
not being taught like sex and Gretchen for
what I as like what I
identify as is just it's very,
very suppressing is very disrespectful.
And ultimately, I feel
like it could be a segue
into normalizing, you know,
kind of having those conversations,
having
those conversations with people that we
just having
those conversations as a community.
One thing that I wanted to touch on,
I'm not sure how you guys feel about this,
but one thing that
I have come to realize is that when
people do contract STDs or
STIs is seen as something so like dirty,
so awful that I want to tell your friends.
And I'm really trying to
think about why, you know,
because they say that one in three people
will contract and STD and lifetime.
And so, you know,
as much as we can push safe sex,
a lot of the times it can either not
be our fault or, you know,
situations just happen and a lot
of cities are curable
and even the ones, for example,
HIV, you can go virtually
undetected with medication nowadays.
So ices like so crazy to me that, you know,
when somebody does get an STD,
if seems so like,
oh my God, you got an STD.
But I really want ME.
I really wonder, you know,
what it will look like if we
could just openly talk about,
you know. Oh yeah.
I'm SAT and, you know,
just erase this like taboo.
Matt speaking on if I got
an STD or in case you do get an STD,
Her's how to go about it
or don't feel bad and
don't shame people about
getting an STD because it's so common,
you know, it's just like getting sick.
You just get sick basically some master
how you guys feel about
that, like growing up.
But definitely I feel like
people are less likely to speak on
their STD experiences because of
this stigma that you lead your dirty person.
You can SCD when you're really not
going off of what you're saying
about like if you were to have an STD,
that you're a dirty person and I feel like
there's like the stigma.
And like you said, where
like you're doing something wrong.
If you get an STD or you're
a bad person or like for some reason,
this falls back on your own personhood.
And I feel like
as like it can happen to anybody you know,
like if you're having sex output,
that possibility is always there.
And honestly, it makes you think about
the coronavirus a little about
because anybody,
and yet, you know, like nobody's
really safe from that.
There are things that you can take and
precautions you can use.
So that doesn't happen,
but it's not always
an option or it's not always there for you.
So like it really
can happen to anybody and I feel like
it's not productive to shame
people who do end
up contracting as 2vi 100 RESA.
I couldn't agree more.
And actually you've talking about
my personal experience, the taboo and,
and the like generalization when it
comes to like a person getting
an SAT and other people
in Nevada isn't saying.
My first experience like
learning about STDs was,
I believe in the dare program
and the dare program IGOs
about drugs is about,
you know, drug prevention unary thing.
But some way somehow
we got into the topic about
how like using drugs amongst,
you know, in a group can,
can help spread STDs.
And they came in and they brought
a whole bunch of pictures
of like herpes and SCDs And they
basically scared the entire classroom.
And we're like, yeah, if you get this,
SCDU started bleeding and
you can continue and you would never won.
It's like, hey, like anybody who
Sx can contract this,
you know, this sickness.
And ultimately if it can happen to you and it
can happen to me and it could
happen to anybody else.
Why are we why
are we talking about it like it's
something that is out of this world.
Why are we talking?
Like it's a cold or a flu or something
that is as normalized as other sicknesses.
And it's insane that, you know,
SCDs had been around
for as long as they have.
And and they're still
such a huge stigma when it comes to them.
And there's also like a huge stigma
to go in and ask for like an STD screening.
And they are easily
accessible for everyone either,
like if you go to a clinic.
And you don't have insurance,
they're pretty pricey.
Although you could go to like
a local Planned Parenthood who
would help you with like
help you manage those costs nowadays.
But ultimately even planned
parenthood as gray as their facilities are,
you know, there's only a certain amount
of them across the nation.
And it's so unfortunate Now that
we have, like, you know,
people trying to defund
Planned Parenthood and,
and which is a whole other thing on its own.
But it's,
it's such a scary thing
when thinking about like, you know,
the stigma around STD testing and you know,
the government wanting to defund and,
and with mental facilities who are
trying to normalize, you know,
It's greeting you then and general health of
people like it's crazy how sex and SCI's and,
and everything that you know,
individuals experience that are
like human are
so insanely stigma sizes
is mind-blowing to me.
I love that.
You brought up your experience with being,
I guess, in the dare program
and they bra and pictures.
I think that's why old.
Like how is that not obvious?
I mean, not maybe this is the whole goal,
but like that is legitimately like
a scare tactic and I feel
like to use that to,
I guess, scare people.
Sure, it is harmful and honestly,
potentially a little traumatic
to see that just, you know,
you're going about your day and you go in
this little class and you see these pictures,
I feel like that's
definitely not the best way to go about it.
And I feel like that's honestly,
I feel like that's honestly
a tactic that a lot
of sex education use is I'm going
to go out on a limb and say that most of
us have probably seen Mean Girls a home.
And in, when they talk
about like sex education for like a second,
I think their gym teacher
says like don't have sexual,
got pregnant and die.
And I feel like that's
a really common experience
of people hover on sex education
and it doesn't have to,
and shouldn't be like that.
Like I said, it doesn't have to be that way.
Sex doesn't have to be
taught as a scary thing.
And it's not scary.
I feel like if we were to re-frame
our sexual education to
be more comprehensive.
And honestly, I would say start
teaching sex education younger than that,
even like middle school or high school.
And just, I mean, obviously age appropriate,
but I think it's important to kind of
just bring this up as a kid.
Because we do have questions.
I know like It's a very curious subject.
And if we just start
these conversations whenever they crop up,
like if your child has
a question or something to give them
information that it's age appropriate
is so important because I
feel like if we just reframe
the conversation around sex
from being this taboo,
this scary illness like 4N,
like you sudden Natalia idea that we'll
all have a better understanding
and a better approach toward sex.
Honestly, I feel like at
least me personally thinking
about myself in the future as a parent.
I would like to talk to my child about
sex before they go into, you know,
a health course where they go
on to talking about it because
I feel like it is the taboo
and stigma surrounding sex
is institutionalized like Sasha said.
And ultimately, to make effective change,
we will just interchange
the whole curriculum in general.
And I feel like if we were
to target like this taboo in
this stigma within like
our families and break
that generational curse.
Then ultimately that could
lead to effective change as a whole.
You know, kinda talking to
my child are talking
to just talking to
my child about anything like,
hey, you know, you're getting to
an age where you're developing.
You're going to start feeling,
you're going to start getting
sexual urges and feeling things and just
know that that's 100% completely
human and that's ok. And even if,
you know you have
these feelings and you don't like them,
or it's not something that, you know,
do you want to, you know,
look into or experience
that's completely okay.
And the choice is yours as a,
as an individual and even as
a child was developing to grow into one UDL,
these feelings are normal and whether you
want to feed into them or
not is completely fine.
And, you know,
if you want to have sex is how,
this is how you know, your save by doing X,
Y, and Z, you know.
And that pushing for general acceptance.
I feel like if we talk about it,
I get something normal.
Like it's a if it's a flu
or if we talk about something like a,
we talk about it like with sums of normalcy,
It can go such a longer way.
Because I feel like sometimes, you know,
going into the topic of talking about sex,
it's just like, oh, this is what you'd do.
A plus b equals c and that's x.
And it's really not like that success,
so fluid and it looks different for everyone.
And just making sure
that we're respecting each other and
we're restricting our body is
and where consent full when we're having
sex by both parties or however many parties
are involved in
the sexual activity is so important.
So to summarize that,
basically, I would just
emphasize the normalcy of sex.
I would emphasize practicing safe sex,
and I would emphasize
consent and respecting your sex,
your sexual citizenship, and
your partner or partners sexual citizenship.
Respecting that, excuse me,
respecting that as well.
I think they ran up
a really good point in Italia.
Do I have a niece?
And one day I hope to be
able to have this conversation with
her and her mother as well.
And I think that a very important theme
to also remember is
that sex can also be a
taboo with your sexual partners.
So I think that it's important
before you even reach
that stage where you
are thinking about having sex.
I think it's important that we
teach younger children to know
how to effectively communicate
what they want and what they don't want.
I think that's really important because when
we talk about sex education in America,
we talk about how not
to get pregnant or get an STD.
But nobody really talks about, you know,
how to effectively communicate to
your partner in like Dana has put
in a sexy way which you want and what you
don't want from this relationship
or from the sexual experience.
So I think that's something that's really
important that I would legs up.
Sun is knowing how to
communicate effectively during and
before and after sex,
before you even reach
that stage where you become physically,
physically or sexually active.
Because I think it's
important to know what you want and
know what you don't want before
going into a situation where,
you know, you can potentially end
up in an experience that you didn't want.
So in terms of reclaiming
our sexual citizenship,
I think it should be very important that
we know how to effectively
communicate not only to,
you know, not only as educators to students,
but also as people and from students.
Students in terms of
like their sexual experiences with nine,
which you weren't knowing what you don't
want and how to communicate that.
And not like creepy way.
Yeah. I feel like
honestly it it all can kind of boil
down to boundaries and
concerned and teaching people how to
like to feel empowered and
feel that they have the capacity
to set boundaries and like let people know I
feel like in any aspect
of their lives, but especially insights.
To be able to set
those boundaries and be really firm and that,
and let people know
who you're interacting with,
whether it's just in your everyday life with
your family or in a sexual situation that you
are allowed to make boundaries
and not engage in
things and you don't feel comfortable with.
And I feel like consent comes into that where
you communicate this to your partner.
And they they hear
you there listening to what you're saying.
And then they act on not only where
they are respectful of
your boundaries and that
your consent is only,
I guess, viable in a situation
where your boundaries are being respected.
I think another important thing
about that is and
really teaching what coercion can look like.
And really putting an emphasis
on how coercion
can lead to having
an experience that's you don't want.
And this also ties into knowing how
to communicate what you want in terms of b,
being sexual citizenship,
both individuals in a situation.
So I think that coercion can be such.
So how would I say it?
Like a sticky thing to talk about really,
because a lot of the times,
especially younger people don't
know that what they're doing is coercion.
And, you know, going into us, the experience,
you should not want to,
you should not want to have to be
persuaded into sexual experience.
You should go into it knowing what you
want and getting what you want out of it,
not being persuaded into
doing something you now.
So I think that also ties into
our consent and nine boundaries
before you get into
a situation so that you aren't
coerced into doing something and
having an experience that you don't want.
Yeah, honestly,
coercion is like fascist type.
Coercion is such a sticky kind of topic.
And I don't mean, we don't mean that
in a, in a bad way,
giving it a negative connotation,
there's a very fine line between what is.
And essential, but it's something
that, you know,
parties are consenting to
when it comes to sex and
what is sexual cohesion?
And I feel like that is
definitely something that needs to be
emphasized in in education courses,
in conversations about sex.
And you know, when you're engaged in,
when you're about to engage in a sexual act
with a person or persons.
And ultimately, you know,
there are some things that,
you know, going into college.
I didn't even know about incursion and
because I had to complete a module,
it was like I
thought my freshman year of college,
I had to do a like training online to learn
about like under aged drinking
and college drinking and
sex and and all that.
And there is so much information
about the no consent and
sexual coercion that is
just like not known
and not taught to the general public.
And it's so important because
so many people are having sex and
have sex and not know what the,
what coercion looks like or not know what
proper consent looks like is very dangerous,
not only for yourself but
for your partner or partners.
And ultimately, like even things
as simple as saying yes,
it's actually even though you
don't want to have it,
even though you don't want to say yes,
sex is considered a type of sexual perversion
because if someone who's asking you
repeatedly to have sex over and over again,
even though you look uncomfortable evenly,
you have said No before
that considers sexual coercion.
I actually didn't know that.
And that's one of the simpler kind
of ways that people
coerce other people to have sex.
But ultimately, the education is
extremely important to emphasize consent and,
and coercion and give examples as to like,
what that looks like is imperative, you know,
to, to educate people
who are going to have sex one day.
Acrylic that really encompasses
the idea of sexual citizenship
that you are respecting
someone else's capacity to say now.
And I feel like when
we're talking about coercion,
that that is blatantly disrespecting
somebody else's sexual citizenship and
the right and entitlement to
their own body and their own experiences.
And I think that's really important to talk
about because it's not
always like a hard now or like, I don't know.
I feel like sometimes things happen and it's
not seen as like
potentially like a dangerous situation.
Because if you're in a situation where
somebody is actively trying to
convince you and you're not really into it.
Like that is a harmful situation.
And I feel like that
is not talked about a lot.
One new person.
And even to incorporate this in
insects education is so important.
And honestly, it's honestly
that completely just flew over my head.
Thank you, Sasha and
Dina for bringing that up.
How are we supposed to, how our people,
our individuals,
getting a proper sense of sex?
And how can you say that you
have properly taught someone
sexual education without teaching
them about consent and without
teaching them what cohesion
that is like insane to me.
So I completely agree with you, Dana,
I think that this really emphasizes
the importance of recognizing
our own sexual citizenship.
And what Natalia said as well,
you can't properly teach somebody
about sex with just teaching
them about how to prevent
pregnancy and STDs and you know,
anatomy, it's sex is
way more than that as we all know,
it's, it's experience, it,
those are its inner pain.
It's a lot of things
that we don't get and these,
you know, traditional sex ed classes.
So I think in terms
of reclaiming our sexual citizenship,
we should always remember
to respect each other's boundaries,
but also respect each other's right
to our experiences.
So our sexual experiences
and what we want to gain from that,
and just respecting each other and
recognizing that right in
each and every single person.
So I just want to thank
everybody for coming and tuning in
and learning about sexual citizenship
and how to really reclaim this.
Since it's not traditionally
something that's taught.
So on. So much to everybody for tuning in.